30 Ways to Annoy the Flock
by LittleTera
Summary: Exactly what the title says. When the flock are in a tricksy mood, who knows what chaos will ensue? One thing is for certain - it will be amusing to watch.
1. Max

Max

1. Kidnap Angel.

2. Then tell her Fang did it.

3. Tell her that hearing voices in your head is the first sign of madness.

4. Get Gazzy to say in Fang's voice, "I loooooooooooove you so much Max." in front of the flock, her mum and sister.

5. And then video her reaction.

6. Point at a random bird and say, "HEY LOOK! It's your cousin!"

7. Lock her in a cupboard with Nudge and see who makes it out alive.

8. Get Angel to make her buy tickets for High School Musical.

9. Constantly remind her that Fang kissed Lissa (i.e. the Red-Haired Wonder) before her.

10. Show her the many millions of fangirl sites there are for Fang.

11. Steal her Fang plushie.

12. Sing 'I know a song that will get on your nerves...'. Over and over again. Right next to her ear. Until she snaps.

13. Then burst into tears and tell her she should go to anger management classes.

14. Waft homemade cookies in front of her then refuse to give her any.

15. When she's in the shower, get Iggy to unlock the door, then tell Fang the shower's free.

16. Remind her how the flock knew Max II was an imposter because she offered to cook breakfast. And sort Nudge's hair.

17. Tell her she's not a very good leader of the flock.

18. Tell everyone she's going through a teenage stroppy phase and it's best to just ignore her.

19. Refuse to go near her in case you catch avian flu from her.

20. Ask her why she has a boy's name.

21. Pull out some of her feathers.

22. Follow her round, then when she turns round, ignore her.

23. Get Angel to read her mind and find out her deepest darkest secret, then tell it to everyone.

24. Insist she's Max II.

25. Tell her Fang's cheating on her.

26. Start chanting, "Max, Max, Max, Max, Max, Max..."

27. Tell her she's a soft drink. (Pepsi Max…No? Ah well)

28. Give her a chicken sandwich, then scream, "OMG! Max is a CANNIBAL!"

29. Get Iggy to blow up her favourite teddy.

30. Tell her she's just an attention-seeker.

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**As always, reviews are greatly appreciated!**


	2. Angel

Angel

1. Tell her she can't be flock leader, she wears too much pink. (Flyingtothestars)

2. Kidnap Celeste.

3. Or kidnap Total.

4. Think of something really obnoxious over and over again. (11Twilightcrazy)

5. Tell her she's not cute, angelic, or Max's favourite.

6. Wear a tinfoil hat so she can't read your thoughts.

7. Pronounce her name 'Angle'.

8. Then ask her why she's scowling at you.

9. Then burst into tears and run off to tell Max that she's being 'mean' to you.

10. Tell her she's NOT allowed to take over the world.

11. Lock her in a _medium-sized_ dog crate.

12. Ask her which joke shop she got her wings from.

13. Tell her Fang's in love with her.

14. Get Gazzy to say in her voice, "My name's Angel and I'm a mind-controlling, possessive freak. My name's Angel...etc, etc."

15. Follow her round, then turn away when she looks round.

16. Tell her that she is _not_ a princess. No matter how much she may want it.

17. Dye her hair black.

18. Give her Max's cooking and tell her it's Iggy's.

19. Refuse to be overpowered by the Bambi eyes!

20. Make her go shopping with the boys.

21. Shave her head bald.

22. Tell her that you can tell that she and Gazzy are siblings, because there are just so many similarities...

23. Ignore her.

24. Tie her wings behind her back so she can't fly.

25. Play heavy metal music really loudly right next to her ear.

26. Refuse to let you give her a makeover.

27. Put a halo on her head and say, "Awww, don't you look like such a _darling_!"

28. Give her to the whitecoats.

29. Dye all her clothes black.

30. For Christmas, give her a packet of bird seed.

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**Look at that pretty little button down there at the bottom of the screen... Don't you want to press it and see what happens?**

**Please?**


	3. Iggy

Iggy

1. Let Max cook in the kitchen. (SeekDreamsAndFindHope)

2. Say "Hey Iggy, look at that hot babe! Oh yeah, you can't see! Ha!" (Rosefur)

3. Dye all his clothes pink. (Vera A)

4. Get Gazzy to do an imitation of Ella in a teary voice, "So who do you choose? Me or Nudge?" (Vera A)

5. Remind him that his parents tried to sell him to the media.

6. Play really loud music right next to his ear. (Vera A)

7. When he's about to fall onto the sofa, move it away from him.

8. Put mousetraps ALL over the floor.

9. Confiscate his lockpicking kit.

10. Grab his arm and yell out "WATCH OUT EVERYONE! BLIND GUY COMING THROUGH!" then say to him "Don't worry, I gotcha covered." (jenfan456)

11. Poke him, then dodge away. Keep poking him.

12. Call him Figgy.

13. Forbid him to make any bombs.

14. Say "Hey look! Isn't that just SO funny?" (Vera A)

15. Ask him why he's blind.

16. Dye his hair bright pink and then tell him it needed a makeover.

17. Tell him that neither Nudge or Ella _really_ likes him.

18. Get him a guide dog and call it Ari.

19. Throw a box of pencil erasers on the floor and scream "AAAAAAAH! ERASERS!"

20. Refuse to let him cook.

21. Act as if he's deaf as well as blind.

22. Every 10 seconds ask him what colour you are.

23. Ask him if he's gay.

24. Force him to eat Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup, with its mechanically separated chicken. (Vera A)

25. Put earplugs in his ears so he can't hear anything.

26. Put makeup on him while he's asleep.

27. Tell him that fangirls usually prefer Fang to him.

28. Bump into him and shout "Hey! Watch where you're going! Are you _blind_?"

29. Put a sign on the kitchen door saying in Braille, 'No Iggys allowed'. (Is that even a word? It is now!)

30. Move all the furniture and 'forget' to tell him.

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**I WILL FORCE YOU TO REVIEW WITH MY HYPNOTISING SKILLS... LOOK INTO MY EYES... NOW PRESS THE LITTLE BUTTON AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SCREEN... **

**REVIEW... REVIEW... YOU MUST REVIEW...**


	4. Nudge

Nudge

1. The _obvious _one - suggested by just about anyone and everyone - only annoying to Nudge (the flock will love it) - _**DUCT TAPE HER MOUTH**_ *everyone is surprised*

2. Tell her that Zac Efron died. (jenfan456)

3. Tell her Iggy prefers Ella to her. (SeekDreamsAndFindHope _and_ WinterSky101)

4. Tell her Iggy said she looks pretty today...then burst into laughter. (Chara-Nari2728)

5. Make Angel read her mind, then tell everyone her deepest, darkest secrets. (Chara-Nari2728)

6. Make her wear 'unfashionable' clothes. (bookworm)

7. Dye her clothes black/puce/e.t.c. and refuse to let her go shopping. (various people)

8. Call her a freak/ugly. (weirdpeopleruletheworld)

9. Talk, talk, and keep talking, then ask her why she's talking so much. (x)

10. Refuse to let her buy clothes or make up.

11. Ask her why she's got a bush on top of her head.

12. Call her Magnet Girl. (.)

13. Run round her singing to the Batman tune, "Na na na na na na na na MAGNET!" (.)

14. Say "Huh?", "What?" or "Why?" after everything she says.

15. Repeat everything she says. (.)

16. Nudge her.

17. Stare at her all the time.

18. Sing 'Barbie Girl' every time she walks in the room.

19. Ask her why she has such a stupid name.

20. And then insist on calling her 'Monique-y darling'.

21. Say stuff like "What the flock?" and "Oh. Em. Gee! That was, like, so totally cool!" in a bimbo voice.

22. Tell her that Disney want her to act in High School Musical...

23. ...then say "Oh yeah. Wrong person. Sorry!"

24. Get Gazzy to say in Max's voice, "Nudge darling, do you want me to do your hair?"

25. Leave her in a room with Gazzy, after he's eaten lots of beans.

26. Confiscate her clothes/make up/High School Musical and Hannah Montana videos.

27. Trick her into agreeing that, for every word she speaks in the next hour, she owes you a pound.

28. Tell everyone (including Iggy) that she keeps a picture of Zac Efron under her pillow and kisses it every night before she goes to bed.

29. Try to give her 'The Talk'...

30. ...and when she runs away, scream "But Nudge, you have to KNOW about these things!"

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**Review and you get virtual cookies...**


	5. Gazzy

Gazzy

1. Take away his beans!

2. Lock him in a room when he has an 'accident'. (Flyingtothestars)

3. Spray him with girly deodorant to mask the smell of you-know-what.

4. Get Max and Fang to make out in front of him. (Aleria14 and Chara-Nari2728)

5. Give Nudge lots of sugar, then make Gazzy spend the _whole _day with her. (Chara-Nari2728)

6. Make him breathe his own fumes.

7. Tease him about fancying Nudge.

8. Forbid him to make bombs.

9. Forbid him to see Iggy.

10. Give him an iPod with Girls Aloud, Spice Girls, the Saturdays e.t.c. on it and then say, "Gazzy! I didn't know you _liked_ that sort of music!"

11. Get Fang to give him The Talk. (SeekDreamsAndFindHope)

12. Tell him you're an Eraser.

13. Ask him why he's called Gasman...

14. ...then go crying to Max when he demonstrates his 'talent'.

15. Give him Red Bull.

16. Then video his extreme hyperness and post it on YouTube.

17. Remind him that his parents sold him to Itex.

18. Ask him what it's like being only the second-best bomb-maker in the flock.

19. Tell him that he's immature.

20. Dye his clothes pink.

21. Or purple!

22. And accesorize them with sequins/fake jewels/glitter.

23. Call him 'baby' or 'sugarplum' or 'cupcake' or 'honeybee'...etc, etc.

24. Ask him "Gazzy? How are babies made?"

25. After everything he says, say "Sausages!"

26. Get Angel and Nudge to give him a makeover.

27. Ask him if it's good being four at last.

29. For his birthday, buy him a bird-feeder.

30. Don't let him have any sweets or chocolate.

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**Review!... it's Fang next and we all know how interesting this is going to be... *evil grin***


	6. Fang

**Wow! Two chapters in what, a week? I must be bored.**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed, story alerted, author alerted, e.t.c. ... and thanks if you gave ideas for chapters.**

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Fang

1. Dye his clothes white/pink.

2. Tell him Max secretly likes Iggy better than him.

3. Tell him Max secretly likes Sam better than him.

4. Tell him Max secretly likes Gazzy better than him. **(?)**

5. Tell him Max has a picture of Iggy/Sam/Gazzy/Ari under her pillow which she kisses every night before she goes to bed.

6. Ask him if he's an emo.

7. Then tell him you've hidden all the razors, knives and sharp pointy objects in the house so he won't be tempted to self-harm.

8. Bump into him, then say, "OOPS! Sorry, didn't see ya there!"

9. Confiscate his laptop.

10. Get Nudge to hack into his blog and post 'I love Max I love Max I love Max I love Max I love Max I love Max I love Max I love Max I love Max I love Max' for at least six pages.

11. Dye his hair white. Since his hair is black, the dye should turn it an interesting shade of orange.

12. Tell him he'll have to call his and Max's kids Tooth and Minimum.

13. Give him Valium, record what he says, post it on Youtube and his blog, and keep teasing him about it.

14. Force him to have a tea party with Angel and Nudge.

15. Invite Ari for dinner.

16. Poke him. Hard.

17. Ask him if he's gay.

18. **(A follow-up to Max: number 15 'When she's in the shower, get Iggy to unlock the door, then tell Fang the shower's free.') **Walk in behind him, scream, cover your eyes and shout "MAX! FANG! PUH-LEASE! MY EYES!"

19. Tell him Max eloped with Ari.

20. When he says "But Ari's her brother," say, "Well then, that's just sad, isn't it?"

21. Giggle after everything he says.

22. Say, "Who wants to sing ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall?"

23. Swap his clothes with Angel's.

24. Then ask him where he got his new fashion sense from.

25. Put makeup on him.

26. And make sure Max sees him.

27. Forbid all shrugging, 'dunno's and generally any non-committal, typically Fang gestures.

28. If you're a guy, tell him you're thinking of asking out Max.

29. If you're a girl...even better!

30. Kidnap him and force him to go and live with Saint Fang of Boredom. Again.

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**Coming up - a chapter with what happens when someone tries out some of these on the flock... Look out for the epilogue, coming soon.**

**Review? Please?**


	7. Bonus 1: Ella

**So this is bonus chapter number 1: Ella.**

**Next we have Ari, Jeb, and Dr. Martinez. And anyone else you want me to do.**

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Bonus 1: Ella

1. Get Angel to make Iggy ignore her.

2. Convince her that painting your face yellow is the latest fashion, and make sure you get pictures.

3. Tell her Iggy prefers Nudge.

4. Call her Smella.

5. Say "Oh Ella, don't you wish you were a bird kid? It's soooooooo cool and incredible...."

6. Grin at her all the time.

7. Tell her she's not as pretty as Max.

8. Ask her why she hasn't got any wings.

9. Dye her hair bright pink.

10. Then tell her you love her new fashion sense.

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**Well, you could say that was short and sweet. I'll just say it was short.**

**Keep reviewing! I'm trying to get 100 reviews.....**

**Also, if you read CHERUB or anti-Twilight fanfics, have a look at my new ones, New Beginnings and A Goddess on Earth.**

**REVIEW AND MAKE ME HAPPY!!! Next chapter up soon.....**


	8. Bonus 2: Ari

**Wow. Two updates in two days. I must be bored.**

**86 reviews........come on people - let's make it 100......**

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Bonus 2: Ari

1. Give him a doggy bowl for Christmas.

2. Constantly remind him that Jeb prefers Max to him.

3. Say "Here, wolfy. Nice wolfy. Who's a cute little wolfy then?" in a talking-to-babies voice.

4. Tell him 7-year-olds suck, but 8-year-olds rule.

5. Then say "Oh yeah! You're never gonna be 8, are you?"

6. Ask him which horror movie he came from.

7. Shout at him, "You - are - a - fridge - with - wings!" **(Amazing quote from Fang there)**

8. Follow him around.

9. Then bare your teeth at him and say "My fangs are bigger than yours, you loser."

10. Tell him he could never be Wolverine, because he's not cool enough.

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**As you may have realised by now, these bonus chapters are only 10 ways long. Jeb next, then Ter Borcht, then........who knows. Keep the ideas coming in!**

**REVIEW!!! Please?**


	9. Bonus 3: Total

**YAY!!!!! 101 REVIEWS!!!!! Thanks to everyone who reviewed, story alerted, author alerted, story favourited.......You guys made me so happy!!!**

**I know I said I'd do Jeb next, but then someone suggested Total, so I had to put Jeb off......**

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Bonus 3: Total

1. Give him _ordinary_ dog food. **(Total: NOOOOO!!!! The horror!!!!!)**

2. Pat him on the head and tell him he's a good doggie.

3. Tell him he's not freaky enough to be a member of the flock.

4. Dye his fur pink/purple.

5. Tell him that the baby-carrier-rucksack-thingy Max carries him in is actually a baby-carrier.

6. Put a muzzle on him so he can't talk.

7. Tell him he's no more interesting than a normal dog.

8. Get the flock to put him in a kennels while they go around the world saving people.

9. Give him a collar and lead for Christmas.

10. Remind him that he can't fly, much to his disappointment.

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**Another chapter closer to the end.......... :(**

**Still, we have Jeb, Ter Borcht, and Ella's mum to go!! :)**

**REVIEW!!!**


	10. Bonus 4: Jeb

**Hmmm...something tells me I haven't quite got the hang of this 'updating regularly' thing...**

**OK, OK, I'm sorry! I really need to update sooner...**

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Jeb

1. Call him Jebby.

2. Remind him that Max hates him.

3. Tell him he failed as a father.

4. Sneak up behind him and poke him.

5. Then laugh maniacally.

6. Tell him that this season's lab coats are just so nerdy.

7. Then tell him they really suit him.

8. Recommend him for Better Parenting classes.

9. Give him a note which says, _'My darling, I think I love you. We have to meet up some time. Valencia Martinez.'_

10. Then ask him if he'll pass it on to Ter Borcht for her.

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**Only a couple left to do now......... sniff.**

**Still, I'll probably manage to drag it out a bit with my ..._AHEM..._ regular updating....**


	11. The E shaped house

"Has anyone borrowed Celeste?" Angel yelled, her forehead creasing as she tried to find her favourite toy amongst the myriad of other cuddly toys in her bed.

"No, honey, I haven't..." Max replied from the kitchen, glaring at Iggy and Gazzy threateningly. "Although you might want to try asking _some other people_..."

Iggy and Gazzy looked innocently back at her, before donning tinfoil hats and going to hide behind the sofa. Fang and Nudge quickly did the same.

Max looked confused, before Fang came over and whispered something in her ear. She grinned, and quickly made herself one with the kitchen tinfoil, going to hide behind the sofa too.

"Guys?" a small uncertain voice came from the bedroom that Angel and Nudge shared. "Are you alright? Your thoughts just all disappeared..."

The sound of hesitant footsteps came down the hallway. Angel peered in through the doorway, and her eyes opened wide as she saw that the flock had mysteriously disappeared.

"Max? Fang? Iggy? Gazzy? Nudge?" she squeaked.

Gazzy leapt out from behind the sofa, dropping something small on the floor, and yelled "ERASERS! QUICK, RUN!"

Angel screamed and whipped out her wings, yelling for Max, who promptly popped up from behind the sofa, laughing hysterically. Angel looked confused to see the rest of the flock behind the sofa, all wearing tinfoil hats and shaking with laughter.

"Where're the Erasers?" Angel asked, looking worried. "You said there were Erasers..."

Gazzy pointed to the floor, to the small object he had just thrown down. On closer inspection, it turned out to be a small box of pencil erasers.

Angel pouted, knowing she'd been tricked, and then flounced off to her room to sulk. She couldn't even read the flock's minds to see what they were thinking, because they were still wearing their tinfoil hats.

In the kitchen, the flock were discussing what trick to play on Angel next. However, Angel was plotting her own revenge...

* * *

At lunchtime, Angel was making sandwiches for lunch, having appeared from her sulk in a better mood. "Would you like a sandwich, Max?" she asked innocently.

"Yes please, thanks," Max said, a little surprised that Angel was being so nice after her sulk.

The sandwich was made and presented to Max, and just after she had taken a huge bite, Gazzy screamed.

"Gazzy? Are you OK?" Max asked, well aware that the flock was in a practical-joke-playing mood this morning.

Gazzy was clutching his throat dramatically and screeching, "AAARRGGHH! She's a CANNIBAAAAL!"

Max tutted. "It's just a sandwich, Gazzy."

Angel grinned. "Yeah, but it's a chicken sandwich."

Angel and Gazzy began to strut round the kitchen, clucking and flapping their wings. Max looked annoyed.

A bird flew past the window. "HEY LOOK! It's your cousin, Max!" Gazzy yelled, before bursting into hysterical laughter, forgetting that he, too, had just as much avian DNA as Max.

Max got up and stalked out, muttering about 'stupid little immature brats', before calling back, "I'm going to have a shower, and I don't want anyone disturbing me for the rest of the day!"

"Women," said Iggy sagely. "They're easily upset, having such small brains."

Nudge thumped him. Max yelled from the bathroom, "I heard that, sexist piglet."

Gazzy sniggered. And then let loose one of his monsters.

"Aw, Gazzy..." Iggy complained. "That _really_ stinks."

Nudge piped up with an evil grin. "I think we should lock him in a room by himself until he learns his lesson."

Fang and Iggy grabbed Gazzy, and carried him, screaming and kicking, down the corridor and into Max's room, which was the only room in the house which had a lock, apart from the bathroom.

Immediately as the door closed, the smell stopped.

While Fang went back to the living room to set a trap for Iggy when he came in, Iggy went into his room to fetch his lock picking kit.

A few minutes later, Fang asked if Max was out of the shower yet, because he wanted one. Iggy, smiling, told him that he had seen Max coming out a couple of minutes ago.

Fang grabbed his towel and shampoo, and headed for the bathroom. He tried the door, to make sure Max was out. It was unlocked, so Iggy had told the truth. He opened the door and went in.

In the living room, the flock heard a loud scream of "PERVERT!", coming from the direction of the bathroom. It was followed by a yell from Gazzy, who, knowing of Iggy's plot, had followed Fang into the bathroom.

"FANG! MAX! MY EYES! PLEASE, THAT IS CHILD ABUSE, MAKING ME SEE THAT!"

Nudge smirked. Angel grinned. Iggy sniggered and got up to go and extricate Fang from Max's fury. That is, until he realised that there was a rather large mousetrap set in the middle of the floor. With a yelp, he trod on it.

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** And yes, I know they're a little OOC, but hey, this is fanfiction.**


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